dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
