i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
