the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
