I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
