what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
