Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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