I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
