you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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