All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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