Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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