Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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