Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i've created a new STD.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
