i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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