Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
