shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
