I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
that may or may not have been my penis.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
