i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
