I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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