he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
