k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
