his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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