matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
