his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
