shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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