Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
