it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
