i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
