hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Randomize
