Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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