My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
