please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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