so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
