it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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