i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
