Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
