im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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