so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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