Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
