Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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