Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
