I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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