New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Panties = found
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
