i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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