Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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