Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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