somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
