just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
