If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
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No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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