He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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