I think I won the penis lottery.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
