we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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