well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
