he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
