Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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