So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
