tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
