so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
