Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
