Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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