her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
