i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
