She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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