i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
