and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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