u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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