I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
