There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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