My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
