No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
