I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
