I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
