Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
